I got a snack at the break room and decided midway back to my desk that I needed take a leak. I had a bowl of cereal and a can of soda. Off topic, it’s a surprisingly good snack combo. Since the bowl of cereal was essentially ‘open’ and exposed to the elements, I opted to leave it on the floor outside of the restroom while I done did my biznazz. The soda, on the other hand, being sealed, came in with me and I sat it on the sink…across the floorplan from where I pissed. On my way out, my coworker-let’s call him “Sack” for anonymity purposes-was setting his “tumbler” (that’s office-speak for fancy, stainless steel thermos) on the floor beside my cereal – but his tumbler was sealed. He claimed that it was gross to bring anything into the restroom that you intend to consume at a future time. I asked if he ever brought his beer in with him while he pissed at a bar, and he said, “Always.” Now, the piss-flooded floors and shit-stained walls of a bar bathroom are disgusting. My workplace bathroom is immaculate by most standards. Weird.
Let’s run with this theme. Washing your hands after you piss – it’s a common courtesy to those around you and generally just the right thing to do. I don’t know about other guys, but I’m coordinated enough to not pee on my hands. But I still wash after every pee–at work. At the bars, on the other hand, most guys don’t wash their hands after peeing. It’s a fact. And let’s be honest, you’re more likely to piss on your hand while you’re drunk than while you’re at work. Additionally, you’re in closer quarters with other people at a bar, as opposed to your solitary confinement in the cubicle. Yet you’re definitely likely to be called out for skipping the obligatory wet-my-hands-for-the-public show while at work.
Side note – this guy sitting next to me is making constant sniffling noises…it’s not the usual sound because I’m pretty sure that he’s exhaling the sniff rather than inhaling. Make sense? Plus, he’s sitting right next to me right now, so I’m counting on this 3M privacy shield to uphold its end of the bargain. Anyway, it’s terribly obnoxious. I have bad allergies and do my share of sniffling, but give me a break. Just blow your damn nose, sir.
A Chinese woman cutting my hair a few weeks ago asked me if I had big plans for the weekend. Thinking she was just trying to make chatter, I decided to play along and told her of my plans to go for a bike ride around San Francisco. She found that odd and criticized me for not celebrating with my family instead…you know, for Chinese New Year. I’m not Chinese, I’m Filipino…or Pilipino…or Pinoy…or Flip…or most recently “Pacific Islander” if you’re signing me up for a standardized test or scholarship application. But recently I’ve been asked if I’m everything but Filipino. It’s weird.
Quick update on the reverse-sniffler – he passed out and isn’t make any noise. I think he’s still breathing.
Asian guys out there may or may not know of the “points game.” It’s relatively common to see an Asian girl with a non-Asian guy. That’s just the way it is. Many white guys have yellow fever, including most of my friends. So whenever we see this combo, it’s a (-1) pt for Asian men. Conversely, Asian guys with non-Asian girls is somewhat of an anomaly. I can’t explain, but it’s just the way it is. That’s why spotting that rare combo is a (+2) pts. Think of it like the “slug bug” game of yesteryear. The downside is that this game is limited by the demographic of where you live–Soccer/futbol in Europe v. the United States, lacrosse in New England v. middle-America, republicans in Texas v. New York, and California v. Montana for the “points game.”
For some reason I want to go back to poop. My work can has an electronic bidet…fancy in that I can essentially wash my bum without having to wipe. Now, for the record, I still wash my hands after taking care of business, but technically I shouldn’t have to, right?
When in doubt, route it out.
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