Archive for December, 2009

BO to the masses

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

For the first time since I can remember, I neglected to apply any anti-perspirant after my shower last night. I’m not sure how or why it happened, but I set off for the day without my personal BO blocker. This did not bode well for the fellow morning workouters…not a real word, but let’s pretend that it isn’t…what?

Do you ever smell something foul and immediately start looking around to identify its source? Well, about 20 minutes into my routine (today was my legs day, for those that care…I was doing squats, if you want a visual) I catch a whiff of some stank. BO stank. Given that it’s a gym, you tend to let some of those aromas go, but this one wasn’t going away. I gave the once-around but only saw a girl, who wasn’t within typical BO whiff range. After a moment of confusion, it dawned on me…it must be the neck roll that I was using on the barbell. I smelled it, but all I got was the rubber/foam scent. Thoroughly confused at this point, I try to ignore it and proceed with the workout. As I reached up to grasp the bar, BAM!!! Similar to the burning after a soda/beer burp slips through your nose, such was the sensation from this particular BO. Could it be, was I the stankass? Yes, yes it could be. And I was.

BO is not a laughing matter when it’s present. It’s harmful to you and everyone that’s within the blast radius. The blast radius is determined by an elaborate formula derived of several factors–how dirty you are in general, if you have sleeves, dark/light colored shirt, what you eat/ate, etc. I was wearing a black shirt, a BO Blast Factor magnification of 4x. So please, let’s all Just say no to BO.

These BO’s are OK…
good-bo.jpg good-bo2.jpg bow_jumbo_lg.jpg
This public service announcement was brought to you by The Armadillow – taking cuddling to multiple levels (I just made this slogan up).


Sunday, December 6th, 2009

I heard a 30 min sermon on how the fear of shame dictates our lives, and I must admit that I am ashamed to admit that it was true. Let’s be honest, shame rules the household, the school house, the playground, the workplace, the workout, the rock out, the make out…perception trumps reality. The walk of shame typically follows a night of indiscretion, especially if the Boggle 7 you bagged the night before turns out to be a morning-after 3.

Public shaming has long been considered one of the most severe forms of punishment (think The Scarlet Letter, Salute Your Shorts, the orange vests that the highway cleanup crews wear) because it attacks our inherent desire/need to belong. People lie to avoid the shame that their actions will generate, either to them or to others. Then, when the truth comes out, they’re ashamed for lying. Lose-lose at its finest.

So, naturally, I don’t have a solution. If I did, I’d be elsewhere, ruling a small nation. What I do know is that it comes down to the perceived present value of perception. You read that right, the PPVP. We do what we feel will leave us in the most positive light in others’ eyes at the current time, and ignore what the repercussions could be in the future. It’s human error and an utter failure, but our fight-or-flight instincts seemingly want to to delay the inevitable fight until we’ve already dug ourselves too deep of a hole. Do yourself a favor and cut your losses by admitting that you fucked up today, not tomorrow or two

If you want specifics, read any of the celebrity gutter blogs or follow the various sports scandals out there (steroids, point shaving, tampering, bribery, whore indulgences). But let’s focus on the silver lining: Life itself isn’t just one big crying shame…it’s only when we decide to act like idiots.