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Sitting B!tch » 2011 » February

Archive for February, 2011

“Coach”

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

There is no “I” in “TEAM.” There are “I’s” in “WIN,” “WINNER” and “CHAMPION.”

Happy VD Day

Monday, February 14th, 2011

love is grand, love is blind

she may let you in from behind (er, what?)

knock you out and leave you dizzy

or make you crave somethin’ fizzy

singles bitch while others stress

about what to buy and how to dress

florists cackle and count their dough

pimps as well, won’t slap a hoe (tonight)

so there you are, letting haters hate

but wondering why you ain’t got no date

just know that it won’t really matter

you’ll just take a shower and leave a splatter (gross…but true)

and just like that you’re at square one

still all alone, but a lot more fun!

This just in…

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

You cannot teach rhythm

I’m posting this link on behalf of the dancer, Mike .

He’s technologically challenged and couldn’t figure out how to hyperlink.  We all believe that he should learn this AC Slater routine next:

Since just posting the link to him “dancing” is almost a waste of your time, here’s this:

10 Fun Situations to Pass Gas:

10. In the gym shower

9. While helping your girlfriend’s mom prepare dinner

8. On a bike wearing spandex shorts

7. In an elevator with a hot girl

6. In a hot tub with a hot girl

5. Post coitus, and still nekkid

4. While the sales guy helps you try on shoes at a department store

3. As you watch the Titanic scene where Jack sinks

2. On your way out of the dentist’s office as a stranger’s mouth is open while they get a cleaning

1. While forcefully trying to fit a suitcase into the overhead bin of an airplane

Happy Hump Day.

The Bitchelor: lame sauce

Monday, February 7th, 2011

[Yea yea, I've watched some episodes. And No, I don't feel the need to justify myself to you, so EAD]

This dude sucks at life, but at least some of his prospects are pretty (…crazy, emo, delusional). These two are the prettiest, and based on the spoiler sites, it’s no surprise that they’re also the final two…err, so I’ve heard.

Regardless, you don’t have to be an avid fan to notice that he has–or will, eventually–said this to all of the women at some point:

Thank you very much for sharing this aspect of your past with me, [insert name], it really means a lot and makes me happy that you’re willing to open up to me. I feel that we are truly establishing a meaningful connection and would like to continue this path with you. Will you please, please accept this rose?

He’s apparently been on the show before but decided that he had made terrible decisions in prior eliminations, leaving the two women with their egos in the dumpster. Though I give him props for that added entertainment value (you’ve gotta believe that the producers were salivating as they capitalized on the fragile egos of the emotionally unstable final two), he lost some points for how he dealt with the aftermath. For some reason his decision to not settle made him believe that he needed therapy. He runs every life decision through his shrink now. I’d liken his current mental state to someone over-correcting a swerving vehicle into oncoming traffic. All of his explanations and conversations sound scripted and ingenuine, which makes him appear even more rigid…

…Damn, (-10 pts) for realizing that I just took time to post about The Bitchelor.

For some redemption points: