Archive for April, 2011

Do you like-like me? Check [yes] or [no]

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

No one can “like” everything. Those that claim to are too indecisive and/or living in denial. “Liking” something  too much (“overliking”) can quickly turn against you, too. Think back to when you used to really enjoy something, but now you don’t. What happened? I bet it had something to do with overindulgence.

The problem that’s plagued me lately is that I don’t realize when I’m overliking something until it’s too late. It makes sense since I’m not realistically going to stop midway through the euphoric high induced by mauling a carnitas burrito to think, “This is my 3rd burrito this week, maybe I should eat something else so that I don’t get tired of mauling carnitas burritos.” But I also don’t want carnitas burritos to end up in the same purgatory that Jose Cuervo, Absolut Citron, milk, Tootsie Rolls, Odwalla Juice, Clif Bars, Dave Matthews, temporary tattoos, books, and relationships currently reside…because they’re so damn delicious! It’s the dreaded dilemma of short-term gratification vs. long-term satisfaction. My motto of the moment:

Gratification today, Satisfaction tomorrow (unless you constantly make terrible decisions).

Speaking of terrible decisions, let’s reminisce about some of my overlikes.

  • Cuervo Gold – grew up in San Antonio, where Jose is Prime Minister. Overdid it one Saturday night, killing a liter with two buddies while in high school and ended up vomiting ChaCho’s King Kong Nachos all over my friend’s back yard and urinating in his pool. Today, a whiff of Jose triggers my gag reflex.
  • Milk – my goal as a kid was to grow taller than my dad, so I chugged milk throughout high school like frat boys chug beer. Now I’m lactose intolerant.
  • Odwalla Superfod Juice – used to start every day with a green Superfood drink since they’re free. 6 months and 12 pounds later, I steered clear of the fridge altogether. It’s been 4 years.
  • Books – started reading books every day for a few hours during my commute. I got really inspired and decided to purchase a dozen books from Amazon and Borders that I intended to read in the next few months. That was two years ago. I’ve read 0.5/12 and can’t even find half of them anymore.
  • Relationships – Oh, you seductive minx. Your appeal glistens at arm’s length, whether it be dating, long-term, or “just friends.” But let’s be honest, you’re equal parts frustration and allure, bliss and bitch, sugar and shit…and I will forever have issues with you.

Speaking of relationships, I attended a speaker series recently hosted by the SF Commonwealth Club on Sex and Dating in SF. The panel featured 4 authors who had written some sort of sex/relationship book/article/blog/website, all alleged “experts” in the field, and cost $20. Long story shorter, their expertise left me and a few others extremely underwhelmed and an Andrew Jackson poorer. Only one of the four was married, and the other three confessed to making lifelong questionable dating decisions. In short, the panel’s credibility rivaled that of an overweight personal trainer that wears jargos to the gym. However, the topic did spark an engaging debate between the guys and girls in my circle, to which I will address one specific question…right now:

(Arbitrary) Ways to Know If He’s Really Into You and Not Just Into Getting Into You:

  1. He actually listens to what you say - and not just repeats shit you say to make you think that he’s listening. It’s tough to decipher sometimes because it goes beyond just buying that bracelet you mentioned last week, or nodding when you vent about work or the smelly skank in your yoga class. This means that he contributes logical, thoughtful responses that won’t always agree with you – which shows that he’s thinking with his bigger head and not just trying to appease the punani gods.
  2. He’ll take a bullet for you - Not literally, unless you’re Emo Mars. Rather, he’ll claim your tear-inducing fart in a crowded elevator, defend you against his mother, or accompany you on any errand that you’re admittedly unfamiliar with–shopping for electronics, cars, plumbing or whatever–as long as it’s still the regular season and not the playoffs. Otherwise, this last example is moot and you’re SOL.
  3. He genuinely laughs and/or smiles while with you - simple enough, eh? The operative word is genuinely, because that means that he really enjoys your company and that the two of you share a level of compatibility that transcends carnal lust. It always sounds cliche to us when girls say that they want a guy that can make them laugh…but it stands true in our bizarro world, too.
  4. He doesn’t hit on 19…the 80/20 Rule – No relationship is going to be perfect all the time (21, or Blackjack for the sheltered and naive). However, some guys (and girls, for that matter) will hit on 19 and dump you thinking that the grass is greener, only to come groveling back when they realize that it isn’t.  In other words, they find 80% of what they want in a partner in you, but decide to take off and chase the 20%, only to feel unfulfilled if/when they catch it. If he’s smart enough to appreciate you before you’re gone, you’re golden.
  5. He supports you when you’re at your best, and he adores you when you’re at your worst – in other words, if he shows you unconditional L-word, congratulations.

And if all else fails…

…and let the vicious cycle of short-term grat vs. long-term sat rage on!